Fractions of memory

We’re always eager to write down each detail just happened around us, because we fear once we forget it, it would be as well as not happened, and as the existences. Our existence depends on memory, forgetting means erasing, we fear the meaningless of life. However, as soon as we recognize the possibility of emptiness of life, we found the absurdity and the tragic essence of being. Is that the fate for a person conscious of it? It sounds like a penalty for intelligent person, the awareness deprive your simple happiness. We’re suffering and in order to alleviate it we start to write down everything we had or we think we had. Frustration comes from the failure of continuous losing. We lost too sonly to retain. Time is a river, individual memory is the petals and leaves floating on water, flow past you, who might just be another floating leaf. It’s not possible to pick them up all, often we’re just able to watch them disappear.

But sometimes, in some mysterious moment, all of sudden, you remember something forgotten. You even forgot the existence of it. And then comes the wonderful happiness with it, you slump into the cradle of past, fall into another dream you had ever been. Time is a glimmer river in the night, petals and leaves are the sparkling fractions float on the surface. Definitely, memory exists, not only the substance but also the phenomenon. We should write down something, but not for impossible copy of the temporary world, but for a clue to hook us back into the dream, that memory. We only grip some fractions and lost more, but we can own the hints to imagine and reappear the feeling, mix the present emotion, we reshape the memory and extent it. Finally, we realize, memory is not static and frozen, it’s vital and growing. Past can be now, and what we grab makes us owns more. We get more than we lost, get completeness via fraction. Finally we overcome the tragedy of awareness of being, more profound happiness comes from our activities, we are existentialists.

2011/04/13 Milstein

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